I Teach

So we’re like halfway through the semester or something like that and still, every night before class, I have trouble sleeping, I can’t stop thinking that class is going to be a failure and that there is no way that I’m going to have anything worthwhile to communicate to them. But here’s the thing, it always works out. Always. And this is crazy to me. My wife keeps saying “Don’t worry about it, it always works out.” And so far, she’s right, but she doesn’t realize how close we come on some days to not having class at all because I can’t come up with anything to do. So I feel like somewhat like the boy who cried wolf because I stress before every class and every class turns out okay. So this is weird to me. Am I a chicken little? Or am I really riding on the razor’s edge? It’s impossible to say until I fail, but of course, I don’t want to fail, so I do whatever it takes to not fail, so I have no clue if my stress and anxiety leads to solutions, or if it is unnecessary. Weird.